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Archive Volume Four: 1994​-​1996

by Strange Talking Animals

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kaminokai
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kaminokai Taking little trips down memory lane. Favorite track: Let You Down.
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1.
The Image 03:06
I saw a shadow on the Moon today I felt the gloom within my heart I told a lie to break apart the pictures of the dead A blackened bead of wrath and ash Succumbed to drops of holy water A wizard's scream to make things worse than Sister Moon's daughter The image of a tell-tale heart Across a twisted mind Confesses all, but knowing truth Can prove the angel lied A stumble here, a bramble there Contorts a fragile frame An angry thought from subtle minds reveals the twisted game I saw a shadow on the Moon today It took my strength away I told the truth to break apart the pictures of the dead
2.
The Crow 02:54
When I woke inside my grave All I could see was a little bit of grey I spent my life playing the game Now I spend the nights stalking my prey Avenging angel burning inside From crow-like dreams, nowhere to hide I rise again- a second birth To thunder-sighs, lightning and earth If I could find a way to burn away the pain inside my head And then I heard a whispered scream lost in the dark A captive child that hits the mark The devil's night inside my head Inferno burn to wake the dead On hallowed ground I make my stand The crow descends within my hands The legend grows from hellfire Damnation flows from my desire If I could find a way to burn away the pain inside my head And then I lost my soul trying to save The memory of all you gave to me I rest my head, return to the grave Last rites I hear, you comfor me If when I find a way to burn away the pain inside my head I'll find you again
3.
Once 01:47
Once upon a lie I could tell you were mine And twice you asked if I was only feeding you lines And once that you were mine I could never let you Hide as if you wanted to disappear And tear away the walls I used to hold you here Once I would Lie to keep you hid from other prying eyes And maybe twice I even tried to watch you cry And if you thought that I was only using you to get me by You were right It's not as if I didn't love you, I just loved me more Now that you are gone, I find I wish you were here Now that I'm alone, I have no one to blame How could I have known that the lies would ever push you away? How was I to know that you could stand up on your own? Once I would lie
4.
Spinning 02:49
What would it mean to give her a twirl, A night in the wind? Something she said burned itself into My memory Just one smile, to wait awhile To be sent away again She could hide her soul so deep And she could tear into my heart Spinning on infinity and daydreams And some fantasy When Deborah spoke the world came Rushing in again Just one knife to cut away again Sometimes solid, photographs on the dead She could envelop my fear like a storm And tell me I'm not playing right Sick of my face, tired of my flaws But Deborah doesn't always let go Sometimes she's afraid And other times she's infuriated
5.
This is not for real It's all in my head This is not for real- a fright in empty bed Something sharp and something dull An entry point into my skull This is not for real I do not trust my eyes A desperate cry That fills the night and fills the woods And feeds the fire Who bears the hood This is not for real In pieces do I fall This is not for real- in memory, I belong To put to rest the rage inside To put to sleep the tears you cried This is not for real Of eyes and endless clouds This is not for real Eternal rest and clouds To billow free on open air To ride the Moon and kiss the sky This is not for real
6.
Frances 03:16
Standing knee-deep in a cause of blood and breath Taking care to trample on and knead to death Anyone who disagrees can kiss her ass Into days of ignorance and morals passed Typical antithesis of man-made greed Disbelief of innocence, sincerity The same-so sore annoyed has her weight Broken smile, gnashing tooth Grind and grate Frances fucked up, and she doesn't like it And she'd like to hide it Frances fucked up, and she wants to fight it Frances fucked up again Patient peril promises to promenade In her belly lies the truth that's not man-made In her eyes, there to despise, her knowledge wanes In her mind, and from behind, she feels the pain Standing knee-deep in a cause of babies blood Wading through her memories, an angry flood Anyone who vexes her can kiss her ass Disappear inside her and I can fly right back Disappear inside her and I can fly right back
7.
Was You 03:34
If I could ever be the distant dream inside of you The blackened sun inside of me Would burn right through the heart of you If you could ever see the distant light inside of me Then you would feel it too, the burning fire inside of you The missing link that falls aside The only thing I've kept alive From bridges burning deep inside To the murky depths I've tried to hide Of everything that I've let go The only one I've ever know was you If I could ever feel the sacred fire inside of you The lurking fear from which I reel Would echo through this heart of doom If you would try to steal the one desire inside of me I'd hold you closer than a child, for fear of losing you Like a thief steals in the night The only thing left in my sight The bridges burning deep inside Won't keep you from the things I hide Of everything that I've let go The only one I've ever know was you I close my eyes and try to think About the things I've said to you And from this cup that I must drink Reveals to you a drunken fool The tree of life I try to hide, in the gardens of my mind Contains the only fruit I know That in your hands, my heart you hold The growing feelings that you feel Are from the seeds that I have sown The bridges burning I reveal Are the shadows of the things I know Of everything that I've let go The only one I've ever know was you
8.
Let You Down 02:08
I want to let you down And tear away your dangerous crown To make you feel empty To drag you through the coals I want to let you down To let you know I'm still around To force your eyes to see And taste your blood that flows I'm spinning around I can't control myself I'm coming don I can't control myself I want to let you down And get back my voiceless sound To hear your seething pleas To scrape your palms on the jagged shoals I want to let you down And cease the random heart you pound To grip your empty skull And force you to see what others see
9.
Echo 05:36
I am bitter and afraid I am tired and alone No matter where I go, or who I see Nothing moves this heart of stone You don't know how I feel You don't lie awake a night, empty And you don't feel my despair I echo in my mind and in my head I am a shadow of who I used to be I shudder at the memory of happiness No matter what I do or what I feel I can't change a thing I feel desperate But no course of action Lays in wait for me In wait for me I echo in my mind and in my soul I am loveless and I am loved
10.
There's nothing like being alone There's nothing like staying home and watching the phone There's nothing like being alone There's nothing like watching walls and starting to zone I wish I could share it with you I wish I could make you green out of the blue I wish I could share it with you There's nothing like being alone There's nothing like taking time and learning to roam There's nothing like being alone Talking to myself instead of staying unknown I wish I could share it with you I wish I could make you scream out something too I wish I could share it with you There's nothing like being alone There's nothing like loneliness in an empty home There's nothing like being alone There's nothing like loneliness and life on my own I wish I could share it with you I wish I could make you seek out something new I wish I could share it with you There's nothing like being alone
11.
A splash of light A shade of grey The black of night disturbs the day I run aground amidst this sea The pain I've found returns to me I look into the Sun to see you And all the things I've done won't please you A clash of wills disturbs the day At night I feel I push it all away I lay back down and take the pain I will let you down again I look into the Sun to see you And all the things I've done won't please you I look into the night to see me And everything that's right just kills me
12.
Sulfur 05:01
I can feel you digging into my brain A buzz, a hum to keep me awake I claw, I scream and I can smell flowers I can feel you looking at me A glance, a stare to keep me afraid I burn, I writhe and I can smell sulfur The things you do to me and the things you say Drive me out of my mind But what can I do to drive you away? I can see you touching yourself A clutch, a grab to keep me on the edge I breathe, I don't breathe, and I can taste you in the air I know you see me watching you A smile, a wink that drives me insane I die, I sleep and I can see you do the same The things you do to me and the things you say Drive me out of my mind But what can I do to drive you away? I can feel you digging into my brain A buzz, a hum that drives me insane I claw, I scream and I can see you do the same The things you do to me and the things you say Drive me out of my mind But what can I do to drive you away? You can't always get what you want...
13.
One Chance 04:13
I want to walk out into the night To keep this angry soul in flight To do something with my life I want to walk out into the night I want to carry the burden myself To hold the pain that I've felt To show you all my battle scars I want to carry the burden myself One chance to finish this work One chance to get it right No time to worry about looks One chance to burn I want this image burned to your brain To leave behind this twisted stain To prove to you I can overcome I want this image burned to your brain I want to drive this memory And explain the mess I've made of you To let you go your own way I want to drive this memory away I want to walk out into the night I want to carry the burden myself I want this image burned to your brain I want to drive this memory away
14.
There's a man on the road ahead I'm not sure if he's alive or dead Oh no, won't go There's a man on the road ahead Picks up his eyes and then he said: "Oh no, won't go." And then he looks at me I'm not really sure if he can see There's something in his eyes that just can't be Makes me realize that finally I know, I'll go There's a ghost inside of me I'm not really sure how to believe On no, won't go Theres a ghost inside of me Pricks up his ears just to receive The Show, I know And if I ever leave The pictures on the road inside of me There's a good chance I'll still believe In you There's a man in a book I read I'm not sure if he's alive or dead Pictures on the road and the signs ahead Pictures on the road and then he said: "I know you'll go."
15.
Darker 03:26
You think you know me You think you know me like nobody else You think you trust me You think you want me to trust myself You think you love me You think you want me to love someone else You think you want me You think you want me to want myself What should I become? And where did I come from? I think I want to Tell you something about myself Twisting sideways Spinning circles inside my head I'm getting static I haven't noticed anyone else There's interference From trusting someone besides myself And what have I become? A darker image of the Sun I think there's something Out there that I didn't quite understand I think I'm missing Out on a promise I won't comprehend This is what I have become A darker image of the Sun
16.
Storm 03:08
There's a storm on the horizon I can feel it In my knees and in my stomach It's getting darker, and the roaring In my ears is getting louder When it gets like this It's hard to think If I sit here and ignore it Maybe it will go away But I doubt it It's like breathing saltwater And drinking sand Your head could explode And your stomach contract It's like running in water Or playing dead Your hands are bloody, an your eyes dilated There's fear on the horizon I can taste it It burns like acid and feels like fire It's getting brighter And the roaring in my ears Is getting louder I don't even try to think Everything is spinning And everything is white
17.
Ring 02:24
Here I stand, a solitary man And there you stand, holding out your hand And here we go into the falling snow We never know where the road will lead But here we go- I follow, you will lead Together we will climb The highest mountain we can find And if troubles land to make us fall Together we will stand and make it through it all So here we stand, a promise makes us one To understand the father and the son A ring fire A ring of love
18.
I got my crayons, I'm coloring day and night Spinning on my head, don't know which way is left or right I wish I may, I wish I might make my dreams come true tonight Tonight, tonight I wish I might I got some light, won't you come inside It's not real bright, but hey, neither am I I wish I may I wish I might make my dreams come true tonight Tonight, tonight I wish I might Little green men inside my head Hope they might come for us Flying in their little blue bus I wish I may, I wish I was sitting on my star tonight Tonight, tonight I wish I might Going to the Congo, driving in our silver Hum-V Jumping off waterfalls, playing games with the howler monkeys I wish I may I wish I might make our dreams come true tonight Tonight, tonight I wish I might I got my crayons, will you color with me tonight? You're spinning in my head But your colors are far too bright I wish I may I wish I might make my dreams come true tonight I wish I may I wish I might make my dreams come true tonight Tonight, tonight I wish I might
19.
You think you want me to let you go You think you need me to let you know You think you hear me, a crying shame You think you see me, I'm not the same And if I let you disappear Would you remember that I am here? And if I gave you something new Would you remember me? And here I wander, endlessly A ship alone on an endless sea And when I ponder about my time I wonder what I will find And if the Sun refused to shine I know I'll still find you Sit and ponder eternity An endless life for you and me A time to listen, a time to see And I will remember
20.
I found a place where fun always shines The clouds may roll, the sky may thunder But the Sun still shines, which to me, remains a wonder The sounds of children echo in my ears As the laughter soars, a friendly smile everywhere As the children come back to me for more Although I'm not there now They're always on my mind I loved them dearly from the start I gave them all I had, even my heart I left them all behind, with tears in my eyes Everything must change, it was time for me to fly They'll always be with me, from here to the end For each and everyone that I called friend A tear, a sigh, an occasional moan As I long for that place to linger A place like home Although I'm not there now They're always on my mind I loved them dearly from the start I gave them all I had, even my heart For each and everyone of you that I call friend A tear, a sigh, an occasional moan As I long for that place to linger A place like home
21.
I was a Fool 02:52
I think I know just how you feel I think I know just what to do I thought I knew where you were at And still I sat and waited for you Sometimes I wonder where you are I watched you walk away from me I was the one who let you go I was too slow, why? I don't know I don't know Wandering through this twisted maze That I have made of my own life I was a fool to think of you As less than a friend, a tragic end What could I do? If I could change the way you feel I know that I could change the world I hope that I can let you see The fire in me that burns for you If I could change this hand of fate If I could tell you how I feel If I could find a way to you Would you come back, would you believe Believe in me?
22.
Dear John 03:01
Dear John, you thought you were as free as a bird But you were just one of the boys Don't be crazy, just grow old with me Dear John, what ever happened to India? You said that life begins at 40 And now you're gone from this place Dear John, now and then you saved my soul Help me to help myself Imagine steel and glass Mirror, mirror on the wall That's the way the world is: Isolation and instant karma Mind games and steel and glass Dear John, all you wanted was real love But you found yourself crippled inside Find you way across the river Dear John, I found out she's a friend of Dorothy Sally and Billy and Sgt. Pepper and Julia She got caught in the illusions Dear John, how do you sleep at night? Playing you mind games with instant karma Nobody told me you were a child of nature
23.
I found a reason to fly inside Another season in you to confide I watch the river around you flow Another giver of life with glow And if the autumn Sun will bring Another change for us to sing There's a legend that comes to mind That gives us hope to keep the dream alive About the strength of love that grows inside And the bond solidifies I walk the archives, I pace the books I paint by numbers, I trace the look All to bring you a smile To wait with you for a while And in the morning I rise to your smile A gentle morning, the Sun will toil I spend the day thinking of you Another way to remain true There's a name that comes to mind That gives me hope to keep the dream alive About the strength of love that grows inside And the bond solidifies
24.
Down, down, twisting Another creation listing The Universe is sifting through a spider web drifting alone I raise my head above the water I raise my fist up to the sky I raise the question "If I'm stuck her, do I really have to die?" Twist, turn, spiraling Desolation in violating Memories are coming clean Washing through this numberless drone I raise my head above the water I raise my fist up to the sky I raise the question "If I'm stuck her, do I really have to die?" Drifting deeper and falling farther Fading faster into the sea Is this memory invading? Do I really have to dream?
25.
And if I want to take away my life I'll walk the line to find the edge There's nothing I want but time to unwind A place to wander and a place to lay my head I want to run away I need distractions to find my sleep My mind races, I need to find some relief I can hear voices when I close my eyes It scares me and I want control of my life I want to run away I want to run away Do you think that I am a fool for this? It eats away my insides I stand alone in the rain sometimes It gives me strength to keep this twisted dream alive I want to run away I want to run today And if I want to change the meaning of my life I'll change the rules that hold me back Some things might change and other things might break But in the end I need to feel the light I want to run away I want to change today There's nothing more I can say I want to run away

about

Archival project volume four, including the interesting years of 1994, 1995, and 1996. Strange things were happening all around: college, music, camp, friendships coming and going, experimentations, relationships coming and going, travels, deaths, and more! Also, the only time I drop the F-bomb (that I can remember) in a song I wrote is here! I am doing these projects mostly for my son, Benjamin, but also my wife, Melissa, and anyone else who might remember these songs, and those looking for something new from the past.

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released August 14, 2021

all songs written by Brad James Beske, except where noted. recorded at the Uranium Playpen, in the Dungeons.

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Strange Talking Animals Springfield Township, New Jersey

Born in raised in Madison, WI. Transplanted to Brooklyn, Jamaica, and finally Springfield. Versed in chamber pop and rock, psychedelic and prog, and expanding musical horizons to experience electronic and ambient musics and experiment with modular and chaotic synthesis.Overfed with science fiction and fantasy and actual science. And stay-at-home dadness. ... more

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