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1.
Welcome to the New World 03:14
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Welcome to the new world It's not the same as the old world But now you don't know where you've been Welcome to the new you Not quite the same as the old you And no, you haven't gone insane Think of me as a guide, a curator of sorts Or a delusion I might not know the truth, but I know how to lie You might have seen me before In a photo, a movie, or a mirror My appearance has changed over time You can trust me, after a fashion My survival depends on you Then again, maybe not Think of me as a guide, a curator of sorts Or a delusion I might not know the truth, but I know how to lie There are different roads, different times Maybe we've been here Maybe it doesn't matter Think of me as a guide, a curator of sorts Or a delusion I might not know the truth, but I know how to lie I know how to lie
2.
Into the Abyss 02:09
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3.
Run 04:43
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Far beneath the surface, a battle rages on Will I find some understanding? Or set off another alarm? And when my eyes begin to clear, I'll run And when I see the path ahead, I'll run I reach beyond the threshold, and find an empty home I build my castles everywhere But now I am alone The clouds confuse my memories And open up the floor The waves will fill the emptiness that haunts me to the core And when my eyes begin to clear, I'll run And when I see the path ahead, I'll run The signs could lead me anywhere To the things I've said and done The clues could give me back my life If I could find just one And when my eyes begin to clear, I'll run And when I see the path ahead, I'll run Far beneath the surface, the battle rages on Can I create a misunderstanding? Can I set off another alarm?
4.
The Abyss part one: Memory/Identity 04:51
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How far down the rabbit hole can you go? (hello?... hello?... hello?) Who are you if you can't remember? (I cannot remember) Does Memory equal identity? (does memory equal identity?) If, if, if, if, if you were here, but don't remember... (I don't remember) Were you ever really here? (am I here?) How far down the rabbit hole can you go? Do you know? (do I know?) Or do you feel? (do I feel what?) Can you know? (I can know) Or can you feel? (I can feel) If, if, if, if, if you were here, but don't remember, were you ever really here? (I am here) (I am) How far down the rabbit hole can you go? Is this inward? (is what inward?) Or, is this outward? (this feels outward) Can you unlock the un-lockable door? (I don't see a door) Where are you now? (I really don't know) Does memory equal identity? (does memory equal identity?)
5.
A Conflicted Adversary 05:20
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When I awake, there is a disconnect And when I sleep, I'm someone else Can I believe the images placed before my mind? Can I find my old sense of self? Just before my eyes return to the light As I'm traveling through this fog I can feel the spider's web expanding And every thought of mine turns into dust There are so many worlds to burn And who I am begins to blur There are so many ways to fade away I am a fractured saboteur I never know when you'll be with me I never know if I am here I believe that you can set me free If I can make it past this ancient fear There is a god that stalks among us A spark of consciousness alive Can I add these sums together? Can I control my inner divine? There are so many worlds left to burn And who I am begins to blur There are so many ways to fade away Am I just a fractured saboteur?
6.
Labyrinth 05:13
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Alone under the field, over the sky I open the seal and terrify a lonesome hound Who won't be bound to just anyone This labyrinth will lead me to the Sun The land taken by sea, a deluge that binds mortality I stand on the wall as it's ready to fall And oblivion greets us all This labyrinth can lead me to the Sun And the wind will sweep away the memory Of every move I make And force me to start again And the rain will wash away the evidence Of who I will become A stone under my foot, what does mean? The land is serene I don't understand, what is this place? Is there a trace of my history? And now I stand before this labyrinth And the wind has stolen all of my memories Every move I made And I start to fade away And the rain has made me clean again But who will I become? Alone under the stars, over the waves And in between The subtlety of who I was, or will become Ambiguity This labyrinth might lead me to the Sun
7.
Again 04:40
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Another Sunrise waiting next to you I don't know how we got here But I know I like the view If we should pass this way again And I still don't understand Try to take me by the hand and lead me I was hoping to reconnect, to open up these doors I feel like we've seen this show before And there's a disconnect If we fall down this road again, and I fail to understand Try to shake me from my daze and show me That I am not alone And I've been here before There are people all around me That know the way Another day has passed And I know just where I am I'm standing next to you Waiting for tomorrow to come I am holding on to this new experience Do the memories matter if I don't make new ones? There is now, there is then And there is what we will become Don't waste today on yesterday
8.
The Abyss part two: Integration 03:11
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9.
Up to the Sky 04:24
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Did you know that I was broken? And even unaware? I will try to stay open inside this nightmare As I navigate these roads where I have been I feel a spark of memory, a ghost of my routine And the pictures that were blurred become byzantine The ashes covering my eyes Were suddenly washed clean I hold my head up to the sky and see where I have been I hold my head up to the sky and finally can breathe I hold my head up to the sky and see what I have done I hole my head up to the sky and finally become me I may not have the tools I had, I might forget your name As I pull apart a thousand pieces and build them up again I have seen the signs of my broken mind I have crossed the great divide and came out the other side And the pictures that were blurred become byzantine From the prison that I hid behind, I have suddenly broke free All the places and the things I lost are not my identity As I face another day alive I become the new me

about

Does memory equal identity?

When a life form's mental acuity begins to decay, what becomes of their former self? Were those experiences real? Do they matter if you can't remember them?

Where is the line between artificial and natural?

What is alive?

If you can't make new memories, do the old ones really matter?

Are you the same person if you can't remember?


** I had three major concussions as an adult. 1993, 1996, and 2006. Aside from some damage to my brain, the main side effect was motor skills. I had to relearn how to play guitar each time, and each time it changed the way I played. Some said my personality changed (mostly after the third one). Some said I chilled out more. Some said I stressed out more. I remember feeling dull after the third one (as they are cumulative), and grunting answers a lot, and having one word conversations.

I lost parts of my childhood as well as parts of early adulthood and college. I unintentionally destroyed some friendships during that period. It's hard to explain to others that you don't always know what's going on, or how to work through situations like you had in the past. It's hard to explain anxiety, especially to others with anxiety. Some people I lost simply by forgetting to call them, or call them back. It was a strange time.

Music got me through all of it. The Archive project that I am doing certainly helps (five volumes so far, 1988 through 1997...). Little vignettes from a block of time. Mental photographs.

Not all memory loss can be worked around or through. I feel that I am lucky, but I know others that are not. Sometimes it's cloudy, sometimes I takes a moment, and sometimes it's as fast as lightning. Words get lost or misused. Names flitter and float and evaporate. (never doubt that value of "Dude").

Sometimes, this album is what it's like for me. Maybe this is what it's like for others. But even starting over, we are unique.

credits

released December 3, 2021

written by Brad James Beske
recorded at the uranium playpen, in the Dungeons.

The Dreadbox Abyss was a big inspiration on every track, with a little help from the Dreadbox Typhon, NYX v2, and Erebus v3.

For Benjamin and Melissa.

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Strange Talking Animals Springfield Township, New Jersey

Born in raised in Madison, WI. Transplanted to Brooklyn, Jamaica, and finally Springfield. Versed in chamber pop and rock, psychedelic and prog, and expanding musical horizons to experience electronic and ambient musics and experiment with modular and chaotic synthesis.Overfed with science fiction and fantasy and actual science. And stay-at-home dadness. ... more

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